Monday, February 6, 2012


by David Lee

The numbers count backwards from ten to one
The silver doors whoosh apart.
If it is empty, I can dance a bit
And press all the buttons, and say naughty words
And speak to God, and fart, and smile for no reason.
If someone is in it, I take my place,
A quiet smile assuring the other passenger
That I do not smell anything funny,
And that I don’t mind that all the buttons are pushed,
And that I don’t like to dance.
But how free it would feel to speak to God with a stranger
As we climb the floors, one by one.

Comments I received from my Professor:
(line 2) I can just hear that.
(lines 4-5) very human.
(line 11) is free the best word choice?
(lines 11-12) very nice ending.

Total points:  95/100


1 comment:

  1. I love this. Just saying. Especially lines 4-5 ('cause that's totally what you do in an empty elevator) and 10 (perfect rhythm).